


do you want me crawling back to you?

by taeyomi (buttercream)



Series: free, we're so free (nct college au) [4]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Cuddling & Snuggling, Kissing, M/M, Pining, and johnny is Confusion, ten is cryptic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-25 16:42:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15644787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttercream/pseuds/taeyomi
Summary: The rest of the night goes by like this -- Johnny stupidly trying to catch Ten’s gaze across the table and being pathetically ignored. He wishes he were a little more brazen and had the guts to ask Ten what the fuck is his problem.





	do you want me crawling back to you?

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from Arctic Monkeys' "Do I Wanna Know?" because I can't be bothered, I guess. 
> 
> Seems like this is the au I revisit everytime I haven't been able to write anything else. I could have just... Put an end to it with this one, but I didn't. Because I like to torture myself (and having an easy way out of other projects lol).
> 
> Well anyways, I hope you enjoy reading this one!

Something is not right. With Ten, that is.

He’s been around for twenty minutes or so, and since the moment he set foot into the pub he has diligently ignored Johnny’s presence. Ten has greeted everyone and their mothers -- but Johnny. 

They’re at this new place Jaehyun recommended tonight; a small, dimly lit rectangle that could be considered ‘hip’ given the amount of people trying to squeeze themselves in. There were so many people that they had to stand nearly on top of each other, which made it impossible for Ten to have missed Johnny. Besides, they are literally across from each other. 

It’s been two weeks since they last saw each other at Taeil’s party. Ten made them coffee the next day and thanked Johnny for bringing him home. Everything was fine. But that was two weeks ago. Ten hasn’t texted or called him ever since; Johnny just assumed he’d been busy with school assignments or something like that. He hadn’t considered a cold shoulder. Why, though? Why would Ten give him a cold shoulder?

Taking a sip of his sparkling water, Johnny watches Ten’s interaction with Taeyong. He’s smiling. Laughing at whatever boring sentence Taeyong just said and Johnny is _frustrated_. He delves into his most recent memories in a desperate attempt of figuring out the reason behind this torture, if he has done anything to deserve Ten’s indifference, but comes back empty-handed. 

The rest of the night goes by like this -- Johnny stupidly trying to catch Ten’s gaze across the table and being pathetically ignored. He wishes he were a little more brazen and had the guts to ask Ten what the fuck is his problem.

Ten leaves earlier than usual. Without giving Johnny a single glance. Later, when Johnny is fishing for his keys to unlock his door, he gets a text.

_i think we should keep our friendship cuddle-free._

\--

Ten eventually starts saying hi during their outings. That’s it. ‘Hi’ and the occasional ‘How have you been’. Johnny has gone through the entirety of their text chats and done his best to recall every conversation he’s ever had with Ten. He’s 99% positive he’s not guilty of whatever made Ten reconsider their relationship. Which sucks, because if he were guilty Johnny would at least have an idea of what the hell happened. 

“Maybe he’s dating someone,” Taeyong unhelpfully suggests. They’re reviewing some notes at the library (more like Johnny is copying notes from Taeyong). It’s late and Johnny is sleepy, but Taeyong can only meet up at ungodly hours because of his part-time job.

Sighing, Johnny scratches his head with the back of the pencil he’s holding. “I don’t know, is that a good reason to just ignore someone?”

Taeyong shrugs. “You know Ten.”

That’s half of the problem. Johnny would know if Ten hadn’t been so careful and secretive around him. Half the stuff he knows he ended up knowing by accident.

“No, I don’t know him.” He admits in defeat, dropping the pencil on his notebook. “Maybe that’s why he decided to step back. I didn’t show enough interest?”

“You let him snuggle you, that’s you showing interest, dickhead.” Taeyong snorts. “And what do you mean you don’t know him?”

“I mean that he doesn’t really tell me stuff. Like, sometimes he shows up at my door and I try to ask how he’s been, he shoots me down. We don’t really talk, you know?”

“So you have a physical thing, I see.” Taeyong nods. “Maybe… He got sick of you? He doesn’t want to hook up anymore because he found someone hotter.”

“Fine! But why would he ignore me?” Johnny insists.

“I don’t know, man, he could suck at confrontation or something.” Taeyong sighs. “Look, you should ask him about it. It’s either that or let it go.”

Instead of asking Ten directly, Johnny corners Yuta on his way out from one of his performance classes.

“He’s fine,” Yuta answers when asked about Ten. Then frowns. “Why?”

Johnny tries his best not to look even more pathetic than he feels. “Well… I haven't talked to him lately, so I've been a bit worried.”

Yuta drinks from his water bottle and wipes sweat off his face with a towel. “Tried calling him? Ten’s a bit airheaded, sometimes he forgets he should check in with people. He turned off his phone for a whole week once, his mother was worried sick.”

_Does he ignore people out of the blue too?_ Johnny wants to ask. He doesn’t, though. Johnny just thanks Yuta and makes his way to his next lecture.

\--

Johnny’s invited to a Pirates of the Caribbean marathon at Taeil’s place. Another attempt to lure Sicheng in, which have been working, apparently. Taeil has recently bragged that they've started texting each other pictures. Now he’s hoping that Sicheng will naturally fall into their friend group and make his life easier.

He didn’t expect to see Ten at Taeil’s place. Stupid, considering Ten and Taeil are good friends. It’s just… Johnny was expecting a drama-free night. He was honestly expecting to watch the entirety of Jack Sparrow’s tale without having to worry about Ten sitting a few feet to his left. But now he’s here. Looking better than ever, and Johnny wants to _die_.

Halfway through The Curse of the Black Pearl, legs drop unceremoniously onto Johnny’s lap. He turns his face around to meet Ten’s blinding smile, shining at him as if he hasn’t been ignoring Johnny for the past three weeks or something. Johnny doesn't know how to react. He just stares at Ten a bit shocked, glancing at the legs the latter just dumped on him.

“My calves are hurting,” Ten justifies, wincing and gently shaking his legs.

Ok. That's… Odd to say the least. Should Johnny follow his lead and pretend he didn't notice Ten’s absence in his life the whole time he was tossed aside? Somehow he feels stupid. Like… He's being messed around with. And it's not a good feeling.

Johnny levels Ten with a stare and asks, “Can I talk to you for a second? Outside?”

Johnny doesn’t wait for Ten to respond and promptly stands up, leaving the door open when he exits the apartment. Ten follows right up looking a bit sheepish, just like a child who knows they’re about to get scolded. 

“Alright,” Johnny sighs. “What’s going on? You ignored me for nearly a month and now acts like nothing happened?”

Ten scratches the back of his neck, eyes downcast. “I wasn’t expecting you to call me out.”

His face is kinda pink, and the way he chews on his lower lip makes Johnny feel bad about calling him out, even though he knows he’s in the right (and Ten seems to know as well, judging by the way he’s acting).

“Did I do anything?” Johnny inquires. “I kept trying to remember if I had upset you, if it was something I said--”

Ten snorts, rolling his eyes. “It’s nothing you did. I-” he shakes his head, frowning. “I had some issues to take care of.”

That doesn’t make sense. Johnny insists, “I don’t know Ten, it looked like it was pretty personal. You were ok with everyone else.”

“It was stupid.” Ten brings both hands up to his head and messes up his hair, groaning. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-- I’m really sorry. I know it wasn’t fair, I knew it back then, but… I was faulty, I needed some time to fix myself up.”

“If you needed an excuse to stop coming over-”

Ten’s eyes are wide as saucers when he blurts, “No, that’s not it! I mean… I wanted to stop. But I didn’t need an excuse, it’s just…” he groans once more, pulling up his own hair. It’s cute, but Johnny tries not to fawn because right now he’s _mad_. Besides, the admission that Ten wanted their thing to end sort of shoots him right through the heart.

“I’m sorry, Johnny. Will you forgive me?” Ten takes a step closer, looking up at Johnny as if he expects Johnny to fall for the way he looks so pitiful and regretful. Dammit. 

Johnny heaves a sigh, knowing there’s no way out of this. “Do you promise you won’t shut me out again?”

Ten smiles, then, one of those bright smiles that make Johnny’s heart melt like butter and drip all over his remaining organs. 

“I promise.” Ten says.

Truth is Johnny will believe anything he says when he smiles like that.

\--

Things change between them after that. Ten still texts him sometimes when he thinks there’s something Johnny will find funny, or when he listens to a song he thinks Johnny will like. He doesn’t ask if he can come over, however. Ten never stays too close, avoiding to bring a single pinky anywhere near Johnny. It makes Johnny feel like he’s infected with the plague or something, but it’s sure better than getting a cold shoulder. It doesn’t matter, though. He will give Ten the space he seems to need, even if he doesn’t know for sure the reason behind it all.

The worst part of everything is missing Ten. Missing just… Laying with him in bed, feeling Ten’s breath on his neck, waking up in a tangle of limbs. Cuddling Ten made him realize how starved for affection he’s been. Johnny’s last relationship was in high school, and he still didn’t know he liked guys back then so it pretty much sucked. Perhaps he should… Put himself out there. Maybe he would meet someone cool. 

He keeps an eye out for potential hookups during parties, and soon enough someone really pops up.

Johnny meets Jungwoo in a bathroom. Actually, Johnny needed to use the bathroom and Jungwoo was trapped inside. It was Jungwoo who asked for Johnny’s number right after being rescued. He was also bold enough to peck Johnny’s lips in thanks. Jungwoo’s got a cute face and a sweet voice, and more important: He’s interested in Johnny.

Being with Jungwoo is easy. There’s no mystery, Jungwoo tells Johnny his whole life on their first date. On that same night, they make out in the restaurant bathroom, which is exhilarating and has Johnny’s entire body trembling with excitement. Jungwoo is vivid, loud, and bright, and he brings a different type of energy into Johnny’s life. He figures that's just what he needed.

The first time Johnny brings Jungwoo to a group hangout is on a Thursday, and they're trying out this new pub that apparently plays good music and offers two pints for the price of one. Jungwoo is really easygoing, so it doesn't come as a surprise when Taeyong announces he's adopting Jungwoo and Doyoung offers to pay for Jungwoo’s drink. It makes Johnny happy, seeing that his friends enjoy Jungwoo’s company as much as he does. Everything is wonderful.

Until Ten shows up.

He's alone tonight, no friend in tow, and quickly grabs himself a drink. He looks a bit tense. Johnny tries to remind himself he's here with Jungwoo, it's not his problem (it never was, to be honest) if Ten is not feeling well, he shouldn't worry. 

When Taeyong disappears under the excuse of buying more booze and doesn't immediately return, Jaehyun darts after him. Jungwoo, who was previously talking to Jaehyun, scoots closer to Johnny, and sneaks a sip from Johnny’s drink, a playful look in his eyes. Johnny can't help but smile at how cute he is. He slides an arm around Jungwoo’s shoulder and brings him that much closer.

It feels weird, though. Johnny feels weird. Ten certainly didn't miss the way Johnny and Jungwoo sit close, or how Jungwoo’s hand keeps reaching for the one Johnny has hanging from his shoulder. Ten looks confused, a bit lost, annoyed; it's all so fast Johnny almost misses it. Their eyes meet for a second, and Johnny feels like he's being questioned. Ten looks at him as if he's demanding an answer, like he wants to know what Johnny’s doing with his arm draped around someone else. It's odd to say the least. 

“So, Jungwoo?” Ten says, smile deceptively sweet. His eyes shift from Johnny to the one next to him. “How old are you? Are you a freshman?”

Somehow, Johnny's insides twist at the interaction. 

Jungwoo, being the angel he is, smiles at Ten and answers, “Yes. I’m 19.”

Ten winces, rather theatrically. “Yikes. Johnny is 23, did you know that?” 

Johnny has absolutely no idea where he's going with this, and yet, he's anxious.

“Yes, I know that.” Jungwoo answers, voice steady.

Ten hums, then shrugs. “I guess it doesn't bother you, then.”

“What doesn't bother me?” Jungwoo asks, and Johnny’s arm slowly falls from his shoulders. He feels… Called out.

Ten opens his mouth, a snarky reply probably at the tip of his tongue, but Yuta, who's been watching the whole thing with incredulity, jumps in, and pulls Ten up with him.

“Alright, I need… Um… To ask you something,” Yuta says, yanking Ten away from the table.

There's silence right after they're gone; Johnny doesn't really know what to say. He doesn't understand what's Ten’s problem, or why he acted that way. It's not possible that… He's jealous. _He_ was the one who told Johnny they should stop doing their thing, it was Ten who ghosted on Johnny for nearly a month. Why is he treating Johnny’s date as if Jungwoo is… Unwanted?

Sighing, Johnny says, “Sorry about that.”

“It’s fine,” Jungwoo says, sweet as always. He turns around to plant a quick kiss on Johnny’s cheek. Johnny smiles at him, but it doesn't reach his eyes. In fact, he doesn't even know if he feels the kiss.

He can't stop thinking about the way Ten looked at him, confused, a bit hurt, and it makes him angry. Ten has no right, does he? He shouldn't walk in to ruin Johnny’s night with someone nice who actually wants him.

Johnny doesn't see Ten again. Yuta comes back alone, flashing Johnny an apologetic smile.

 

Later that night when Johnny is lying awake in bed, he receives a text.

_i'm sorry_ , it says.

\---

It's Jungwoo who breaks up with him, two weeks after the episode at the pub. He says he's glad he met Johnny, but he couldn't see anything for them in the future. Johnny wasn't in love with him, but being dumped by two consecutive people sort of sends him reeling.

“I’m actually surprised it didn't work with Jungwoo, you guys looked pretty cozy,” Taeyong says one night when they go out for ice cream.

Johnny shrugs. He liked Jungwoo, sure, dating him was refreshing. It’s been a while since Johnny felt wanted, and Jungwoo gave him that for a while. Now he just feels like a wet piece of rag no one could be bothered with.

“Have you talked to Ten lately?” Taeyong asks. Johnny is taken aback by the question, raising his head and frowning at Taeyong. 

“No. Why?” Taeyong tilts his head, appraising him. Johnny leans back. “What?”

“Something happened, right? Between the two of you.”

Something definitely happened. Johnny just can't pinpoint exactly what. Ten is the one calling the shots, and Johnny's only been playing his game. They haven't spoken since the pub, and he suspects they won't anyway. Ten’s behavior that night… It suggested something Johnny just doesn't want to consider. He’s trying his best to stop thinking about Ten, trying not to get stuck on the nights he had Ten pressed into him, legs tangled, lips finding each other in the dark. 

It’s all his fault, of course it is. Ten was pretty clear since the very beginning. Johnny went ahead and caught… Feelings.

“We…” he starts. “There was this thing we used to do together, but we don't anymore.”

“The cuddling thing?”

Johnny didn't expect it to remain a secret for long, of course their friends would catch on. He just sighs, and nods.

“We didn't just… Cuddle.”

“Did you have sex?”

“No. We made out, though. Almost every time. And… I don't know, I think I messed up.”

Taeyong frowns, “Why?”

“He ended things. Pretty out of nowhere.” Johnny swirls the spoon inside his now ice cream soup. “Must have been something I did.”

“What did he say?”

“Said he was… 'Faulty’. And that he had to fix himself. What does that even mean? It's clearly an excuse...”

Taeyong licks his spoon and points it at Johnny. “Stop that. If he says it wasn't your fault, it wasn't.” After leveling him with a stare, Taeyong continues. “Besides, he's been avoiding going out with us. Maybe something is really going on with him.”

It's true. Ten hasn't showed up to any of their gatherings ever since that night two weeks ago. Johnny’s thought about texting him, but dropped the idea pretty quickly. He's not sure if Ten would like to talk to him.

“Yeah. Maybe.”

 

\---

 

It's Yuta’s birthday, and the party is happening in his house. The same house he shares with Ten, which means there are great chances of Johnny meeting him there. 

Yuta is hammered from the very beginning, so keeping by him would be a complete waste of time. So Johnny engages in conversation with Doyoung, occasionally checking his surroundings for signs of Ten. He doesn’t have to wait long -- Ten waltzes in in usual fashion: flashing brilliant smiles at everyone that merely glances his way; shooting hellos, and how are yous left and right, as if all these people have gathered to celebrate his existence. It would make Johnny want to snort (fondly) if he weren’t tight with anticipation.

It might be their current state of affairs, but the sight of Ten makes his stomach clench and his heart beat faster. He thinks Doyoung is still talking, he stopped paying attention the moment Ten reached his field of vision. Johnny watches him interact with people while shifting from foot to foot, mentally chiding himself for acting like a middle schooler. No reason to act like this. It's just Ten. 

He doesn’t know for how long he stands there following Ten with his eyes like a total creep. Doyoung probably got fed up and abandoned him when he began looking like a loser, his beer gone lukewarm in the cup as it swished around every time he moved. Johnny’s pretty sure thirty minutes have gone by when Ten finally notices him. And the way the smile falls from his face when he spots Johnny breaks his heart in a tiny million pieces.

Johnny, being _stupid_ , lifts a hand in greeting, a gesture that’s hesitant and unsure. Ten blinks a couple times before he says something to the people with whom he was talking and turning to walk _towards Johnny_. 

In a panic move, Johnny takes a big gulp of his gross beer and ends up spluttering, eyes going wet. He’s still coughing when Ten finally gets to where he’s standing, a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Hey,” Ten says, frowning. “You okay?”

Johnny nods, letting out one final cough. “Yeah. Hey. Hi. How are you?”

Ten scratches the back of his head, “Fine. You? It’s been a while.”

“I’m good,” Johnny replies. He’s not sure of what else to say, so he just stands there for a moment, swirling the beer in the cup.

Ten hums, putting both hands in his back pockets. It makes his collarbones more visible through the grey shirt he’s wearing, and Johnny swallows. 

“Where’s Jungyeol?” Ten inquires.

“Jungwoo,” Johnny corrects. “He’s… I don’t know, actually. We’re not a thing anymore.”

That seems to catch Ten off-guard. His eyebrows arch, his lips part. He squints at Johnny, quite lightly, and says, “For real? You... Seemed so into each other.”

At that, Johnny chuckles. “I wouldn’t use those words. It kinda bummed me out when he broke things off, but it’s fine.”

“So he broke up with you?” 

Johnny doesn’t feel like talking about Jungwoo. He sighs, looking around for a surface to place his cup on. There’s a coffee table nearby, so he quickly makes his way over there and returns to Ten with free hands.

“Yeah, sort of,” he answers, feeling eager to change the subject. “Have you seen Yuta? He’s already gone and done! Totally smashed!”

Ten snorts, “I know. It sucks because he’ll be a pain in the morning.”

“Well, it’s his day. He should be able to celebrate.”

“He should.”

Silence installs between them, and all at once it becomes awkward. Before _everything_ , he wasn’t used to having lengthy and meaningful conversations with Ten, he was always pretty cryptic, but the silences used to be sort of comfortable. 

That’s completely changed.

Johnny scratches at his nose, pretending to check out the party around them. He can sense Ten’s eyes studying him, and it makes him anxious, hyper aware of his every move. Unsure of what to do with his hands, Johnny just laces them in front of himself. That’s when Kun arrives.

“Hey, I was looking for you.” He’s talking to Ten, but his eyes are on Johnny, who just blinks at him. Johnny was always a bit wary of Kun to be honest, being so intently watched by him is kind of nerve-wracking.

“Sorry, I got sidetracked,” Ten explains, jerking a thumb in Johnny’s direction. “You remember Johnny?”

The way he says Johnny’s name is a bit off, the tone is a bit weird, as if he’s expecting Kun to react a certain way. 

“Sure,” Kun says, a tight smile on his face. “How is it going?”

“Peachy,” Johnny replies, regretting his decision of disposing of the beer cup. At least he’d have something to do with his hands.

“Good.” Kun says. He draws it out, making it sound like there are more ohs in that word than there actually are, and Johnny has the distinct feeling that he’s being analyzed. He’s pretty sure Kun’s been assessing him since the moment he arrived.

The silence stretches again, and this time is more than awkward. Kun having arrived, Johnny feels like an unwanted third person, so his instincts are screaming at him, urging him to just bolt. However, this might be the longest he’s stood in Ten’s presence since the night of the ‘I think we should stop’ text. He might not be ready to leave just yet.

Kun probably notices he’s got zero intentions of leaving. “Um,” he starts. “Are you guys drinking anything?”

“Not yet,” Ten says. “If you’re going that direction, grab me a cup of whatever you’re drinking.”

“Water then,” Kun says, and it might be the first time Johnny sees a hint of amusement in his voice. “I’m driving tonight.”

“Fuck,” Ten groans. “Why would you drive on the night of Yuta’s party?”

Kun rolls his eyes, “Want some water or not?”

“Nah, I’ll fix myself something later.” After being waved off, Kun turns around and disappears.

Johnny waits until he’s out of earshot to say, “You guys are good friends.”

Ten hums. “Sometimes he acts as my... conscience or something. All the shit I would have gotten myself into if Kun hadn’t pulled me back at the last second…”

“You’re lucky to have him,” Johnny says. 

Whatever Ten heard in that last sentence makes him tilt his head, and squint at Johnny. “There’s nothing between us, if that’s what you wanna know.”

Johnny chokes on saliva. “I wasn’t going to ask anything!” He exclaims.

“But you were wondering,” Ten says, crossing his arms on his chest. “Kun is one of my best friends. I don’t do best friends.”

“It’s none of my business,” Johnny says in an attempt to convince Ten that he wasn’t really wondering, even if deep down he was.

“I know it’s not, but I wanted to make it clear.”

This time, the silence is charged with tension -- it shifts between them, and it’s absolutely impossible to ignore.

“Have you found someone else? To… You know.” Johnny asks, measuring his words.

Ten shakes his head. “No, I haven’t.”

“Don’t you miss it?”

A moment passes -- a few seconds only --, in which Ten watches Johnny with soft eyes, biting on his lower lip as if he's pondering whether to utter his next words or not.

“I do,” he says, “but if it’s not with you it’s kind of weird.”

Letting out an exasperated huff, Johnny brings both hands up, ruffles his own hair. He doesn’t get it. Ten was the one who sent him that text, and here he is, saying that he misses it all, but also making it clear that he’s not about to go around cuddling other people. Because it only feels right when he’s cuddling Johnny.

For fuck’s sake.

“Why did you break things off?” Johnny asks, feeling somewhat brave.

It takes Ten a moment to reply. He blinks at his own hands, inhales, opens and closes his mouth several times before actually speaking. “I don’t think you would understand.”

“Try me,” Johnny says, and it sounds like a plea. _Please just… Just…_

It’s not enough. Ten shakes his head, lifting his eyes to meet Johnny’s. “Maybe someday. Not tonight, though.”

 

When Kun returns, some of tension built dissipates, and Ten focuses on answering his friend’s questions. Johnny feels tired, not into the party anymore, and decides to leave.

Ten is surprised when Johnny announces he's leaving, but only nods and mutters goodbye.

He's showered and changed for bed when he gets the text.

_are you home?_ It's from Ten.

He blinks down at his phone, typing out a reply. _yes. why? is everything ok?_

The next text comes less than a minute later.

_can i come over?_

Johnny sighs, looking up from the phone, rubbing a hand over his face. He shouldn't. He shouldn't give Ten a green light when he refuses to tell Johnny what's going on, when he clearly ignores Johnny's feelings. Ten ghosted him for weeks and didn't even have the heart to ask Johnny if he was okay. Johnny should type a capital no and hit send.

Yet, 

_yeah. ok._

 

Ten has his hood up when Johnny opens the door. A swift hand pushes it back and Johnny gets a clear view of rosy cheeks, glassy eyes, and reddened lips.

They stand there at Johnny’s door, waiting for the other one to make the first move, whatever the first move is.

The second Johnny opens his mouth to ask Ten what he's doing standing there in silence, Ten takes a step forward, and wraps his arms around Johnny’s neck in a hug. Johnny is dumbfounded, taken aback. Ten slots his face in the space between Johnny's neck and his shoulder blades, presses closer. 

Johnny is at loss. His heart picks up, and he's pretty sure he's sweating. He doesn't know what to do. What is Ten expecting? Does he want Johnny to let himself be hugged? Does he want Johnny to hug back? Or is it something else? Something Johnny’s brain can't conjure because Ten won't _talk to him_. This here is exactly what Johnny's been dreaming of for the past weeks. He's been dying to have Ten back in his arms, to feel Ten’s heartbeat against his, to be near him. Here he is, breathing against Johnny’s skin, and Johnny doesn't know what to do. 

He's almost gathered enough courage to say something when Ten presses a kiss on his neck.

It's the softest of touches. Ten’s hand slides up Johnny’s nape, fingers threading into his hair as he kisses again. And again. And one more time.

Johnny groans, wincing as something burns in the pit of his stomach, threatening to spread out.

“Ten,” he breathes, both hands lifting to cup Ten’s face and pry him away from Johnny. Because it's too much. “Don't do this. Don't do this to me.”

Their eyes meet and he can see want there, clear as day as Ten looks back at him. Johnny feels it in his veins too, running liquid and hot, burning inside out. There's nothing he wants more than pulling Ten closer. 

Ten’s brows furrow, and he whines. He whines _Johnny’s name_ , protests being denied, pushes his way back in, grasping at Johnny’s sleeping shirt. He mouths at Johnny’s jaw, trails wet kisses all the way to his ear.

Johnny takes a deep breath, and once more puts some space between them. He can feel his resolve crumbling with every second of having Ten stand so close, the feel of his mouth hot on Johnny's skin. 

And then Johnny makes the mistake of looking at him, of running his eyes over Ten’s flushed, beautiful face.

Ten blinks at him, lips parted and glistening. With his voice not louder than a whisper, Ten pleads, “Kiss me.”

And Johnny caves.

He pushes the door closed and backs Ten against it. Johnny tugs his face up with a thumb on his chin, and appraises him. God, he's beautiful. Johnny tells him that right before he surges forward, nips at Ten’s lower lip, and swallows his moan with a kiss.

It feels like coming home after a long, strenuous day; after being stretched too thin. Johnny inhales as Ten winds his arms under his armpits, wraps them around his torso. 

“I missed you,” he says, and Johnny angles his head, licking his way into Ten’s mouth. Their tongues press together, Johnny's thumbs on Ten’s cheekbones. It's nothing like those other times. It's nothing like both of them lying on Johnny's single bed exchanging a few kisses. This is fast-paced, and desperate, and longing. They kiss as if trying to catch up on all the nights they missed, as if they're trying to commit each other to memory. _I missed you so much,_ Ten repeats, exhaling into Johnny’s mouth, kissing Johnny's upper lip, gripping at his arms.

They stand there for a while, kissing, feeling each other's presence. It's _weird._ Ten is kissing him like he's been meaning to do it for years, and it just… It makes no sense. 

Still, Johnny pulls him into bed, keeps kissing Ten as they kick their shoes off, keeps being kissed by him as they settle down.

It's confusing. It really makes no sense, but something tells Johnny this is not the moment to get to the bottom of that. This -- what they're doing right now -- Ten needs this, specifically asked for it. So Johnny, hopeless in the way he feels, gives it to him.

They lie on their sides facing each other, legs entwining. Ten has both hands under his head on the pillow. He blinks at Johnny, eyes roaming over Johnny’s face, dragging down his neck, his chest. On impulse, Johnny brushes hair away from Ten’s forehead with a thumb, sliding it down Ten’s nose, tugging at the corner of his mouth. Ten lets out a shaky breath, scooting closer, fitting one leg between Johnny’s.

“I haven't been able to sleep properly,” Ten says after a beat. His focus is somewhere around Johnny's shoulder, hands still trapped under his head.

There's a story there. Ten hasn't been able to sleep properly, and there's a reason behind it, something he's leaving purposefully out. _Maybe someday,_ he said back at the party. _Not tonight._

Johnny’s hand falls off his face, and pinches the front of his t-shirt. “You can spend the night here.”

Ten looks up at him for a brief moment, then scoots even closer, pushing his face into Johnny’s chest. He nods, and Johnny circles an arm around him.

“Thank you,” Ten says, voice muffled by the fabric of Johnny’s shirt. “I’m sorry.” When Johnny remains silent, he continues, “I know… I know I’m a fucking mess. I know… I know I… Should not knock on your door like this after… After everything. You must be so confused.”

Yes, Johnny is confused. Also yes, perhaps Ten shouldn't knock on his door demanding kisses after breaking up with him. 

But instead of agreeing with him, Johnny chooses to say, “You're not a fucking mess.” 

Ten chuckles, humourless, “You're too kind for your own good.”

Johnny runs his knuckles up and down Ten’s spine.

“Is it true what you said?” He asks, head tilting down towards Ten’s. “That you missed me?”

Maybe it's silly, wishful thinking, but if Ten missed him… He might feel the same way Johnny does about this whole thing. He might _want_ the same way.

It takes a moment, a couple seconds for Ten to respond. “I did,” he says, voice thinner than usual. Then, a little more assured, “I really, really did.”

Ten noses his way up Johnny’s jaw, presses a kiss there, then another on Johnny's cheek, and another on the corner of his mouth. But before he can go any further, his mouth stretches open in a yawn. 

Johnny smiles, rolling on his back, holding an arm out for Ten to cuddle against him. It's late, they're both tired. Johnny wants to ask, he's dying to ask, but he wills it down, settles for holding Ten close for tonight.

**Author's Note:**

> Hit me up on [twitter](http://twitter.com/zhangchans) if you don't mind incessant whining


End file.
